This time last year I was probably the happiest man on earth because of my relationship with Rebekah…now i’m probably in one of the darkest moments of my life. I know reading this you may think this is just some stupid invaluable post by Niegel but I can honestly say I’ve never been so depressed in my whole life looking back on how happy I was with her last year. Lately I have realized through all the death, loss, and sadness in my life since then that I miss that feeling more than anything. I know that it was probably just highschool puppy love but that puppy love made me happier than ever and to have it all back I would do anything for it. I need it so fucking bad i can just cry myself to death. I miss my girlfriend that was there through it all. I miss the sincerity in her voice, i miss her reassuring me all the time that it will always be okay no matter what, i miss her parents being there for me when my mom couldnt be due to her own problems, i miss that great feeling you get when you are with someone you are in love with and you never wanna leave their side. I even miss that terrible feeling you get when you guys have to separate… What I hate the most is that I took it for-granted! I was such a fucking idiot. I pushed her away in every way and I would do anything literally anything for that back in my life at this point . I miss all the fucking love. I miss her.

On another note….Although, I don’t believe in the “easy way out” commonly known as suicide, I can’t deny the fact that it has crossed my mind more than a million times. literally. I lost one of my best friends to suicide this summer and I gotta admit at first I was like no way not him not Conner but after I was done denying it, I realized that his reasons were enough for him to take his life away from me, his closest friends & family, and his mom then he had to be in major pain…I know I am rapidly sinking in to that blank abyss of confusion & frustration, I promise to the few of you that care and those of you that don’t care that I won’t fall there to that place…I will try my hardest to avoid that deep dark hole of emptiness because it has no answers and I wish I had the chance to tell my bestfriend this but it’s too late. It’s too late for a lot of shit man. This world is eating me alive but I won’t let it win.